This is my apology. I apologize to you for asserting my perspective ineffectively or without an invitation on your page, phone or with your person.
Why do I do this, now? In 2009 I wrote here:
” We all run our own individual race on the track of Life, along with many other contenders for the eternal prize; true life! I am called simply to run the particular race before me with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.
Every other horse on the track is setting their own record in the field. The records are kept by the race master; they are not at the track. I have my place in the field they have theirs, we run our own race. I do not keep the records or award the prizes. I take great joy in the running and in watching others run well, and strong. I’m a cheerleader, not a critic of others; I am my own worst critic and need no help there!… I choose to re-dedicate today all my heart, soul, mind and strength to run my own race to win the crown, and to keep my blinders on.” .
It is the way of walking in truth and grace we often understand before we integrate something into our character. We generally walk alone; few know our hearts or real intentions. Only on rare occasions do we actually share our paths and run directly in the same race with others in our field. It can be lonely and hard.
“Be kind to everyone you meet they are fighting a battle you know nothing about”.
I realize now my hope in sharing my lessons and insights to help others more often than not is miss understood, dismissed in judgment or pride, offenses the result = trouble for me.
Surely I must own the ramifications of my indiscretions and ineffectiveness. The atmospheric pressures of blame, shame and guilt are created about us by the adversary of life in truth. Nothing is simple or clear.
This is likely why;
” Jesus entrusted himself to no man… because he knew what was in them” (John 2:24)
He kept his blinders on, fixed his eyes on his course, did “only what he saw the father doing”, ran his race to win… He had also “the disciple whom he loved”, a few close friends of the 12 in his circle of intimacy. He left even his own family outside (Mathew 12:46). He was betrayed by one of those 12!
We are relational beings longing for understanding, intimacy, camaraderie in our journey. Yet what we truly need will not likely be found this side of eternity.
Real relationships just take too much time, and time keeps moving on as do the people we learn to love, we are often left behind as others run on…
In these days of massive information and communication tools the unintended consequence is further isolation. Understanding now, I am choosing to abandon my need to share forthrightly. I see a far greater need for sensitivity, and discernment. and a clearly God ordained timing; in order to not miss the mark and receive the push-back. My default mode was to share. I intend now far more quiet. I have been such a fool, overly trusting,, indiscreet, yet my wife says ” you trade in your foolishness for wisdom as you grow”. I regret if my foolishness has been a burden or an offense to you.
Most things get confused by the smoke and haze that life on this battleground has become. I am seeking now far fewer interactions in which to share my insights or understandings, so few really have time or interest in things outside their own perspective. Being mostly overloaded, and overwhelmed we put hearts at risk.
“They hate him who reproves in the gate, and they abhor him who speaks the truth.…therefore at such a time the wise man keeps silent for the times are evil”. Amos 5:10
I will continue as inspired to share my heart hear on worksofwords.live It is my way of not hiding, being available, real and sincere. If you miss me you will find my heart shared here. Amazing how a public forum is safer than private interactions now. People are generally overwhelmed, angry pressed, unkind.
This side of eternity, in the times we share, my heart just can’t take the pressures or the push back from those overwhelmed by the pressures of our times. We don’t take the time or have the presence of mind to actually attempt to understand or support real communications. We push back for space, It can be easier to judge and dismiss than receive, be sincere and really connect.
That is what I expect eternity is for – to give us time to get clear. Until then, be kind to everyone you meet. They are processing troubles you know nothing about. We can sort it out in eternity together, hopefully. It is not here now, we just may not have the time now. We will have time later…
This release from my felt obligation to share, in order to help, I now define as keeping my blinders on. So that I can run my own race with all my heart, mind, soul and strength.
May you find your lane, run in it with all your soul and strength and learn to keep your blinders on. May you find the pleasure of the race and run with all your heart. May you feel the great comfort of the loving expert rider and know the victory of those who run their race with eyes fixed on the crown of Life!