Greetings Tony,
I still treasure the copy of Oswald Chambers “My utmost for his highest” you inscribed to me as “my father in faith”, given on my birthday Dec. 17 1991?
Now ; more than ever- I try to be careful with my words, discovering over the years that The Spirit of Life or the vultures of mayhem and death ride on the wings of our words. These specters of life or death are all about us- these the Elohim. The ancient powers ; the watchers; the great cloud of witnesses; Angels or Devils inspire, inform or drive our thoughts in order to inform our actions. They thus move in this world. If our souls are not subject too and firmly fixed on the cross of Messiah-the Christ- we err.
Kathryn and I continue in our growth and assent up the mountain of God. We have recently made another passage over a great height, sensing the clear, crisp air of eternity refreshing our lungs, inspiring our feet to move further toward the land of promise. We are heading again down into a valley below having scaled the highest peaks once before us.
Being human we still stumble and trip, but the Lord and His lovers about us lend a hand, steady our steps; we thus regain strength, arise and press on.
I have reached out too you via phone with un-returned messages at least three to four times in the last few years. Being a man under-authority I wait and work, (Albeit imperfectly) as called of Yahh, as released by his Spirit; not my own.
I recall our last meeting on Benton Street around 2008 where you expressed many of your mighty works, fruitful ministry, testifying of your many followers and a desire to have me help design a property on land donated to you just east of L.A. I either did not have the grace or heart at that time to jump in your car and run with you- although a part of me wished it- truly. Yet that part was quenched by offense, mostly expectations placed on me by others, or past abuses of my generosity or something else… Most of my life has been spent helping mighty men build their visions or dreams. Discerning when they are actually inspired of Yahh is ever my challenge. He told me once:
” Do nothing out of the goodness of your heart rather out of obedience to me”.
We had connected on the phone a year before in 2007 when I had suggested that Drew Davis needed your help; we then talked of the worlds; and our mutual loss, of Art Katz.
It is my recent conversations with Drew (8.24.2023)and my current reading of the first addition of “Ben Israel“ the Spiritual Odyssey of a modern man, by Arthur Katz with Jamie Buckingham (1970 SBN# 9212106-05-0), that prompt this writing.
He writes in 1964: “It seems that the only way possible for mortals to achieve a command of self, to be able to conquer desire and move to the deeper things of God, would be for Jesus Himself to actually come and abide in each of us. That still seems to me impossible.”
In the “Spirit of Truth” twenty three years later he writes with Paul Volk on page 60: “Trueness of life is the result and evidence of rejection of falsity in all of its forms. Like every fruit, it is not something that can be attained by our own striving. Trueness of life can only be produce by the Spirit whose own essential nature is just that quality of life. The way to know a tree has not changed. It always has been and always will be, by its fruit. It is vain to expect to find any other fruits of the Spirit such as love, or faith, or kindness, or humility, without having truth first of all. There is no love, or faith, or kindness, or humility that is not an expression of trueness of life”.
What an honor and privilege we both shared in knowing this mighty man, so used by and revealing the Spirit, life and Wisdom of the Living God. He did early in his Odyssey find that presence of the Spirit of Truth in Grace that is Christ come to live within him. Yet he remind himself-one honest and willing to acknowledge and even expose his false self; the nature of the natural man without the mitigation of the Spirit. That beast created within our own flesh while we are resident in this present world system. It becomes stronger and is only fed by ourselves. That beast can be mean, even vicious and controlling of us.
I trust you still now struggle through that great conflict, this civil war between your flesh and the Spirit. My conversations with Drew cause me pause and inspire this writing.
Brother, your many exploits are not your trophies, rather they are your burdens, gifts to carry to the cross. To lay at Messiah’s feet and consider them no more. For they are his alone. They are not yours.
Bold, strong and able men in this world are few. Far fewer still are humble submitted men; ones that know themselves as they are. The Spirit of Truth in Grace alone can faithfully reveal the true ways of YeHoVaH in this broken and dysfunctional world.
I have spent my life, thus far in a singular pursuit. It is expressed in Art’s The Spiritual Odyssey of a Modern Man; His walk from atheism into faith. Paul Volk describes it best in The Spirit of Truth in this way:
“ We seek truths: God seeks to make men true. The difference is vast, and the kinds of men produced by each pursuit are vastly different”
I, as many others, have discovered in this walk into true life we come to know ourselves only as we come to know our creator. Knowing Him (as Art puts it) “As He is not as we think Him to be”. We must accept we ourselves are not as we think, but as we behave; often we are actually as others perceive us. This is a most painful truth with a peace only to be found at the cross and with the pure judgment of Christ. Shaul/Paul explains it as this mystery:
“But to me it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself. For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord”. 1 Corinthians 4:3-5 New NASB 1995 (NASB1995)
We are as we do. We are also found in why we do…I find in Christ alone we live and move and have our best and truest being. Outside of Him, is our death- the life only of our beast; not our true life!
You where once such an integrated true and faithful man. In your spiritual youth you relied on and depended on the Spirit alone and did not trust in or rely on your own understanding. I knew then the hopelessness found in our own understandings, as you did. And I knew you. I do not any longer know you for I have heard many things. I need to hear from you; honestly, truthfully and in the Spirit that is truth in grace. That is IN Messiah.
So Tony how are you? How is your heart? How is your walk before our Messiah? Before you answer, let me conclude this open letter with a prayer? One perhaps you will share with me?
And then reply at last to my numerous inquiries over these years? Perhaps your answers will help others understand the unimaginable treasure that is Grace, and the transformative power that is the Cross of Christ.
My Prayer:
Yahh give me the grace to walk carefully and wisely through the treacherous waters of these days. Create in me a clean heart, renew a right spirit within me. Help me live with my heart in you and my mind in your heavens, yet keep my feet firmly planted on this earth- you created.
Make me aware of but not subject to the temptations and traps of this world’s systems. Particularly those of spiritual self righteousness or superiority. Help me be truly your humble servant.
Let my false- self, my old man, be fixed firmly on your cross. Let me deny it’s lust for power, pleasure or authority of position over others. It’s demands of reliance toward self preservation I crucify now. May that wretched beast remain firmly fixed to the cross of Christ; my cross. That my true-self, my resurrected man, might live in through and for your Spirit and Life alone.
Amen, So be it Lord!
works of words 